


The Adventures of Taoris

by chennychenchinchen



Series: college au + crack [3]
Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Light Angst, M/M, kylie jenner lip challenge, my little pony - Freeform, yifan-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 06:17:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6742606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chennychenchinchen/pseuds/chennychenchinchen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dating Zitao meant that you had to deal with things that you didn’t originally sign up for; Or, at least, things you’d have known you were signing up for if you actually read the terms and conditions. But who reads those anyway?</p><p>In which Zitao is a fashionable brony who does dumb internet trends, ones of which that make Yifan have to spend 192 cups of noodles worth of money on lip balm. But Yifan loves him anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Adventures of Taoris

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.

Dating Zitao meant that you had to deal with things that you didn’t originally sign up for; Or, at least, things you’d have known you were signing up for if you actually read the terms and conditions. Yifan knew this by the time a mere week went by, and against all odds, he didn’t entirely mind Zitao’s quirks. It made life more exciting, after all. 

However, despite that, Yifan still didn’t understand Zitao’s mind most of the time, nor his logic. There was no denying that he loved him, of course. Zitao was just a little bit difficult to... Well, understand at times.

One morning, in particular, they had promised to meet up for coffee at the local café. Though they shared a dorm room, Zitao always took longer to get ready, so Yifan left earlier to order their drinks. And although Yifan knew Zitao liked to dress up ahead of trends, he was definitely not expecting Zitao to walk into the coffee shop dressed in the shortest pants he had ever seen a guy wear. Spring was late this year and temperatures barely scratched 40 degrees Fahrenheit; It wasn’t the right weather for shorts, much less borderline booty-shorts. 

“Taozi,” Yifan was still gawking as Zitao sat down across from him. “What the hell are you wearing?”

“Cute, aren’t they?” Zitao smiled as he reached across the table to take his coffee. Goosebumps were littered all down his arm. “I just bought them last week.”

“Taozi, don’t tell me you’re not cold because both of us know that’s a lie,” Yifan raised an eyebrow. However, whatever amusement that was present in Yifan’s tone drained away when Zitao’s previously content face twisted into one of distress, eyebrows crinkling and lips quivering. “H-Hey, are you okay?”

“The weatherman  _ lied _ , Fanfan! He lied! He lied to me and everyone else who watches his stupid program!” Zitao seemed to be on the border of going into hysterics. A couple of other people in the café looked over in interest. “He said that there would be sun today, and sun equals relative heat, right? What a perfect day to wear these new shorts, I said to myself. They will be in fashion soon, I said to myself. But nooo! See that, Fanfan?” Zitao jabbed his finger at the sky, of which was mostly covered with clouds. “That doesn’t look ‘sunny’ to me! ‘Sunny’ my ass.”

Yifan was at a loss for words. How was he supposed to reply to that?

Sometimes no answer is the best answer.

***

Yifan’s phone was ringing the moment he left the lecture hall. It was 4 pm; He had just finished up his last class of the day, and he was ready to collapse in his dorm room and nap. Seeing as the incoming call was from Zitao, he answered it, holding it up to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Yifan?” Zitao’s voice came through the receiver with a slight hiss, as if he was whispering into the microphone. Knowing Zitao, he probably was. “I need you to run to Nordstrom and buy me some  Sisley-Paris Confort Extreme Levres Nutritive Lip Balm.” Yifan took a second to process.

“What.”

“Listen, it’s a long story. Just please get it?” Zitao’s voice remained hushed to a whisper. Yifan pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

“Fine. What’s it called again?”

“ Sisley-Paris Confort Extreme Levres Nutritive Lip Balm.” Zitao spoke the tangle of words so fluently, almost as if he was reading off of a script.

“Sisterly-Paris Comfort Leaves Nutritive Lip Balm... Okay...” Yifan repeated. It sounded expensive. “And where do I get it again?”

“Nordstrom,” Zitao replied. “And it’s  _ Sisley-Paris Confort Extreme Levres Nutritive Lip Balm _ , Yifan.” Yifan sighed yet again. At least there was a Nordstrom at the mall that was somewhat on the way back to the dorms.

“Whatever you say, Taozi.”

“Yay, thank you so much!” Zitao cheered. “I love you!”

***

As it turns out, Zitao needed the lip balm because of an extreme and deadly medical condition that Yifan liked to call stupidity. 

Zitao had done the Kylie Jenner Lip Challenge and, like many others who attempted the internet trend, he had come off with a huge bruise surrounding his lips. His lips were a whole different story on their own; The accumulation of moisture had them split through the middle, coaxing Yifan to kiss them better. Yifan almost,  _ almost _ didn’t regret buying him the lip balm. Except for the fact that it had cost 74 dollars, true to Yifan’s earlier prediction about it being expensive.

“74 dollars, Zitao?” Yifan fumed. “That’s nearly eight packs of 24 cup noodles!  _ That’s 192 cups of noodles in total, Zitao _ . 192 meals! Unbelievable!”

Zitao’s lips were back to normal within a couple days; At least the lip balm was nutritive as the title enticed. And confort extreme levres, whatever that means.

***

It was still the morning, and Yifan planned to stop back at the dorm room in between classes to grab a textbook he had forgotten. However, he stopped in his tracks when he heard muffled yelling echoing from the dorm he shared with Zitao. 

Not this again.

Zitao had yelled at television programs before. He got way too into a K-Drama series awhile back when they had first begun dating, and Yifan could swear the whole complex could hear Zitao’s yells of rage (“Stop having stupid inner conflicts about choosing between the two hot guys and just  _ research polygamy already oh mY GOD _ ”).

Shuddering slightly at the memory, Yifan silently opened the door.

Zitao was watching My Little Pony on his laptop, which was weird enough. And although him yelling at TV characters wasn’t new, it was  _ what _ he was yelling that came as a second shock.

“juST KISS ALREADY!” he flailed, jabbing his manicured finger at the laptop of which was playing footage of an orange pony with a cowboy hat and a blue pony with a rainbow mane walking side by side. “OH MY GOD”

Yifan decided he didn’t need his textbook afterall.

  
  


***

After walking in on Zitao in that state, Yifan wasn’t going to say that he wasn’t expecting it sometime soon. And true to his prediction, it came around a week later.

“Yifan, pleaseeeeeee,” Zitao whined, eyes big and pleading. Yifan didn’t look up from his book.

“No,” Yifan replied firmly.

“Please, Yifan!” Zitao sounded like he was about to cry. Yifan sneaked a peek at him out of the corner of his eye, and indeed, Zitao’s eyes were wide and red-rimmed.

“No, Taozi.”

“Fanfan,  _ please _ -”

“I am  _ not  _ going to a My Little Pony convention with you!” 

Yifan was used to Zitao’s little antics by now; It’s what came with being Zitao’s boyfriend, after all. He’s had to deal with a stupid attempt at looking like Kylie Jenner, booty shorts in 40-degree weather, and K-Drama rage. And although all of those situations were difficult to grasp at first, Yifan made it through. But  _ this _ ? 

Yifan shuddered at the thought of him and Zitao in a convention room with hundreds, no,  _ thousands _ of adults dressed as brightly-colored ponies.

No. No way in hell. He really did love Zitao, but this was too much.

“But you have to, Yifan! BronyCon is the biggest event of the year, it’s been all over 4chan for months! Equestria Daily is even reporting about it!”

“Taozi, I said no,” Yifan replied firmly, a stoic expression painted on his face.

“But Yifannnnn,” Zitao pushed further. He really didn’t know where to pull the plug.

“ _ Zitao _ ,” Yifan growled in a warning voice, neglecting the nickname that Yifan was very fond of. Zitao ignored his tone as always. Instead, he placed his hands on Yifan’s shoulders and shook Yifan for all he was worth.

“Fanfan, you’ve got to listen to me!” Zitao yelled. 

_ Hypocrite _ , Yifan sighed.

“We’ve got to go, we’ve just got to! I’ve already got our tickets, not to mention I’ve also already ordered our cosplay-” Zitao’s sentence was cut off when Yifan suddenly stood up from his place on his bed, causing the younger of the two to stumble back.

“ _ Cosplay _ ?” Yifan was on the brink of hysterics. “Who said anything about cosplay?”

“Well, I wanted to keep it a surprise...” Zitao trailed off, his eyes suddenly anywhere away from Yifan’s gaze. His hands raised to give the weakest of jazz hands. “So, surprise?”

“Taozi, I’ve already said multiple times that I don’t want to the My Little Pony convention with you, so what makes you think I’d consent to wearing a stupid pink pony costume?”

“They’re not  _ all _ pink, Yifan. Pinky Pie is the only one who’s pink,” Zitao stopped to mutter something under his breath that sounded curiously like  _ what a hoe  _ before continuing. “I bought us Applejack and Rainbow Dash costumes. They’re my OTP. Appledash, Yifan! It’s practically a couples costume!”

“I’m not going to your stupid-ass My Little Pony convention, Zitao. Don’t force me too,” Yifan huffed. And although they were true, he regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. 

Zitao looked downright hurt. The tears that made his eyes red earlier were now threatening to spill, and his lip quivered. Yifan acted on instinct; He left the dorm room in a flash, muttering profanities that were more directed towards himself than at BronyCon.

***

Yifan returned an hour later with a tub of Rocky Road ice cream which he knew would make Zitao complain about his body image, but would scarf down anyway.

“Taozi?” he mumbled as he slowly pushed open the door to their shared dorm room.

Zitao was lying on his bed with his face pushed into the pillow. Although they were slightly muffled, small gasping sobs still elicited from his direction. Yifan’s stomach dropped down even further. Placing the ice cream in the mini fridge, he sauntered over to the slightly quivering figure on the bed, sitting himself down next to it. He placed a soft hand on the younger, rubbing circles into his back.

“Taozi, look at me.”

“I can’t.” Zitao choked out in reply. Yifan found his own lip quivering.

“Taozi, I’m sorry. I was wrong. You were so thoughtful, purchasing me a ticket and cosplay and everything, and I took it for granted. I was so, so very mean, and it hurts me so much to see you like this. I’m sorry. Can you please look at me?” A moment of pause went by as if Zitao was considering his words.

“I can’t,” he repeated, though more calmly than before. Yifan narrowed his eyebrows, placing his hands on Zitao’s shoulder blades and pulling him up. Though he succeeded in pulling Zitao up into a sitting position despite the younger’s protestful flailing, Zitao’s face was still hidden, as he had kept the pillow plastered to his face with his arms. A mix of anger and hurt swelled up in Yifan’s heart.

“Am I  _ that _ disgusting to you?” The anger now met Yifan’s voice, but he managed to calm himself down as to not upset Zitao further. After a moment's pause with no reply, he sighed. “Fine, Taozi. I’ll go to the convention and wear cosplay with you if it’ll make you happy.”

“Really?” Zitao exclaimed, body noticeably stiffer with excitement, though his face still never left the pillow. 

“Yes. Just... If the costumes involve any sort of horse shaped mask, count me out.” Yifan grumbled. “Now can you look at me? Please?”

“I can’t,” Zitao replied once more. Yifan opened his mouth to protest yet again, but Zitao cut him off. “I mean, I really physically can’t. I stopped crying, but my eyeliner isn’t waterproof. It’s smeared all over my face, I’m positive it looks horrendous. You can’t see, but I’m smiling right now, I promise.”

So the two went to the My Little Pony convention dressed as Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Yifan refused to admit that the costumes that Zitao ordered were actually as fashionable as My Little Pony costumes could get. Even more so, Yifan refused to admit that he felt slightly sexy in his Applejack costume, and that Zitao looked smokin’ with his hair temporarily dyed multiple colors of the rainbow.

***

Zitao was full of energy, and with that energy came with antics that more often than not made Yifan feel more like a father than a boyfriend. But even so, Zitao made his life exciting, and that was something that Yifan doubted hardly anyone else could succeed in.

  
Although he doesn’t voice it as often as he should, he loves Zitao. He, Wu Yifan, loves Huang Zitao more than he ever knew he could love anyone. He hoped that would never change.

**Author's Note:**

> And there you have it, folks. Some borderline crack of arguably the most broken EXO ship of all! ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ
> 
> Taoris has been way too depressing as of late, I needed to write about some happy Tao antics to cure my Taoris-centric heart. ヾ(｀ヘ´)ﾉﾞ
> 
> This wasn't beta-d, so I apologize profoundly if you found any mistakes! 
> 
> I really do hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I loved writing it! If so, it would mean the world to me if you left a comment, even if it's short. Even a kudos would make me very happy. 
> 
> Thank you so so very much! (´∀｀*)
> 
> //
> 
> talk to me [here](https://curiouscat.me/chennychenchinchen)


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